December 2012

Bert’s Blog:  There have been some complaints about my perfume, why I don’t know as I love my smell.  Apparently the Mrs finds it offensive so the Boss and I spent time in the bathroom where some soap containing dogodorant, or some such word, was splashed all over me.  Special attention was given to washing behind my ears and other certain places which I am forbidden to mention here.  My favourite bedding was also put into a machine that never stopped still and I became quite giddy trying to keep tabs on it.  All in all I think I am going to end up a bit of a ‘woofter’ again (canine term for dogs who don’t smell like dogs).  Bathing is not a dog’s favourite pastime.

Prior to this ignominious turn of events I was enjoying myself participating in several exciting days out beating with the Boss looking for game - and believe me it was – a great game.  I am sure it must be in my genes as I loved it and can’t wait for the next time. Meeting up with other dogs that look like me and running through the undergrowth, searching and finding, learning the shape and smell of the game and when to keep still and when to forage is my idea of heaven.  I am not afraid of the guns banging and I can bring birds back to the Boss which he is very pleased about.  Unfortunately I also retrieved someone else’s on a few occasions which the Boss was not so pleased about and he said I need more restraint, but I get so excited that I get carried away.  Apparently, time spent on the lead will prevail in the future and if he mentions ‘bath’ again then I will definitely calm down and sit very still…

November 2012

Bert’s Blog:  This is my nose and although highly prized in the dog world and by the Boss, it also has the capacity to get me into trouble occasionally…..

Sniffing in the garden recently I found a small white ball which when thrown in the air, bounced with alacrity and was easily catchable in my mouth.  I had a great game with it and the Boss laughed at my antics.  He plays with a similar white ball in the garden sometimes, but strangely by hitting it with a long stick.  Once I had accompanied him and the Mrs on a ‘round’ when they both hit white balls with various sticks until it eventually disappeared down what I thing was a rabbit hole. Confusingly boring I thought but it made for a nice walk. 

Last week, when resting in my favourite place in the Boss’s truck waiting for him to come and find me, boredom struck.  When my nose told me that there were some little white balls in the bag laying right next to me containing long sticks, I thought I would  liberate a few and entertain myself playing that game of throw and catch again. 

Let me tell you, I was more than half way to attaining what my nose was telling me and liberating the first of the many balls I was sure were in there when disaster struck.  It would only have taken another couple of gnaws on the frame and they would have all come bouncing out but the boss appeared at that point togged up to play with his sticks and told me in no uncertain terms that I had been a little too keen on this occasion to follow my nose and I was certainly not allowed to accompany him on this round.

September/October 2012

Bert’s Blog:  Here I am singing for my supper at Mont St Michel.  After a few bars I received a special request - to stop - so I did and was promptly given a bowl of biscuits for tea.     Sometimes it pays to be vocal. 

I liked France and want to go back next year to meet more perfumed poodles and learn the language, which as far as I can tell is called “yap” as that is what most of the French dogs I met were saying.

Now back at home I accompany the Boss in his work in the countryside and woodlands, running around and sniffing (that’s me, not him) but have also learnt to stay close when told in case I upset some of the wildlife, however recently some of the wildlife upset me. 

When checking security and welfare of small birds that live within a large park enclosed by a very insignificant looking wire, I found to my cost the wire carried a rather large bite.  Whilst trailing the Boss as he went about his work, I inadvertently sniffed it and momentarily felt a sharp nasal shock similar to finding out that the small ball of fur at home had claws. This unfortunate event concluded in us both being late home for dinner after a long game of tag until the Boss finally managed to catch me. Once I had calmed down and the Boss had got his breath back we finished our work.  On our return home my Boss unfortunately fell afoul of the Mrs who had been expecting us much earlier.  Her sympathies definitely lay with me when, on hearing his explanation of our tardiness, she promptly gave me the Boss’ dinner and he had to make do with mine.  Sometimes it pays to keep quiet!

 

 

August 2012

Bert’s Blog:  I didn’t mention before because I was not sure what it ‘entailed’ (dog joke) but I have used my passport!  This involved a holiday, travelling in the large box with circular legs interspersed with exciting interludes investigating many new and strange places where people spoke to me in another unintelligible language, called me a ‘chien’ and gave me lots of pats and strokes. 

Talking of strokes, I have learnt my own version. When my fur coat became rather too much in the heat, we swam in a large puddle called a lake amongst many other people doing their own stroke.  Mine is called Doggy Paddle and, as well as learning not to drink all the water in the lake, apparently I should avoid other swimmers who may not appreciate my method of drying off without a towel.  It was good to get wet without soap for once.

Each night we would walk in a different ‘Département’.  In one, a small white curly dog with a ridiculous haircut (I think it was called a poodoo) made eyes at me but I was hastily removed from the scene before I could find out what scent she was wearing.

My lessons at ‘sit’ and ‘stay’ are coming along nicely; at times with ‘fetch’ I am a little too eager and have, as the Boss likes to say, ‘jumped the gun’ and lost sight of my quarry, however the Boss found his when we visited several buildings called ‘wineries’ which I thought would be full of miserable dogs complaining vocally, but found only silence mingled with a fruity perfume.  These visits always ended happily with the Boss carrying away a box of bottles full of a liquid I do not get to taste, but he does.  If he had a tail he would be wagging it.

July 2012

Bert’s Blog:  Ah, I’ve learn something about the large white container – it‘s called a bath.  Confusing as we spent a few days at a place called Bath and there was not a bit of soap in sight.  This Bath brought many new experiences including ‘camping’ which entailed the Boss & Mrs sleeping in their own box and me sleeping in my own pop-up kennel next door which attracted many admiring glances, sadly not from other dogs.  On leaving I watched with interest for my pop-up to pop-down but alas it proved impossible and is still popped-up we speak.  I think they need lessons.

Bath turned out to be a place crammed with buildings, thick with people and lots of weird smells. Boss explained this was a Town and no sniffing or misbehaving allowed.  To get there I experienced riding in a very tall box with circular legs, stairs, tickets and many directionally confused occupants who kept getting on and off – they had obviously lost the scent.

While padding round Bath I waited outside a very large building called The Abbey (see photo) while viewing went on inside.  I am learning the new word ‘stay’ which confusingly sounds like ‘play’ but means the opposite and involves me sitting still in one place while the Boss walks away, then I get up and follow him.  I am not sure this is correct as we have to repeat it so many times that I get bored, lay down and just ignore him, at which point he praises me.  Will I ever understand Boss talk?

Back at home I have been introduced to another small version of the Boss.  I envy this one as he is allowed to sleep peacefully in his bed, experience much petting and gets fed when he makes a loud noise ….. I wish.

June 2012

Bert’s Blog:  I’ve had another visit to the room with the large white container and the soap again.  This seems to happen when I have been experimenting in the garden with different textures and substances or when we have visitors.  Little do they know the misery I have had to go through or the shame of smelling like a woofter (canine term for dogs who don’t smell like dogs).

Another experience this month has been going on a holiday where I saw the biggest pond ever which looked as if it was always racing in to catch me but never actually did.  I had long walks on soft powdery stuff which allowed me to examine my own footprints and was very easy to dig.  The Boss is developing a strange habit; I can’t work out why he keeps throwing things away when he always wants me to get them back.  I have learnt the word ‘fetch’ since this habit started and I have to tell you I am becoming quite proficient at it.

Occasionally I wear a rope necklace which I am quite capable of carrying myself but this is frowned upon as the boss wants to carry the other end.  If I walk too far ahead it gets quite tight and I have to slow down and walk to heel, which I keep getting muddled with meal and start looking for food, all very confusing.

If I am taken short on a walk and do the unmentionable the Boss has an endless supply of plastic bags for his collection.  I could understand if he saved bones or sticks but find it strange that he collects my deposits.  However I have seen other Bosses do this; it must be a favoured pastime so I can stop worrying about my Boss developing any more strange habits.

May 2012

Bert’s Blog:  Since last time I have experienced occasions when I have been spoken to rather sharply.  I found one of the Boss’s slippers on the floor, usually on a high shelf, and decided he obviously didn’t need it anymore.  It made a great plaything, and using my initiative I decided to see what it was made of.  This was not seen in a favourable light and not only did I get a ticking off but so did the Boss for leaving it on the floor.  I took great heart from this, thinking we had more in common than I thought despite him only having two legs.  

My world is expanding - I go for rides with the Boss in his box with circular legs which has a multitude of strange smells.  When I go to new places I love sniffing around but the Boss likes me near him so I am learning a new word about feet which is repeated many times and sounds like ‘meal’ but sadly doesn’t have the same consequences.

I am told I am becoming international and now have a passport.  I must have missed something as all I remember of the occasion was that man again in the white coat and the clean house sticking a sharp thing into my leg and the boss fussing around with his wallet and looking a bit down.  

Meanwhile, more pleasurably, I am being introduced to miniature versions of the Boss and the Mrs, they seem really friendly but I can’t understand a word they say and they aren’t as proficient on two legs as the Boss is.  Sadly they seem more interested in the long tailed small ball of fur which moves very slowly, except when I appear on the scene and it acts like greased lightning.  I will persevere…

April 2012

Bert’s Blog:  Hi, my name is Bert and I am a dog.  I think I am officially chocolate as I have overheard the Mrs answering questions about me with that word, she says it a lot and I think there is an addiction thing going on there but don’t quote me.

I arrived here in November last year, slept right through Christmas, drank puppy milk, puppy biscuits and water, although I have given up the milk now as it is a bit childish to be seen drinking it at five months - I stick to water which I love, except in the large white container in the room with soap.

There is another dog who speaks the same language as me in the adult Kennel but I am not allowed too much contact because she gets fed up with me hanging off her lips and ears, which I call play but she doesn’t.  She looks a dead spit for my mum but her name’s not the same.   There is also a small ball of fur with a long tail living here but I have not yet been able to get close enough for a thorough Inspection.

I’ve been told I have been chipped, but I didn’t feel a thing and it had nothing to do with potatoes.  A man in a white coat seemed very interested in me but his house smelt too clean so we didn’t stay long.

The Boss has spent a fair bit of time repeating words to me, which gets a bit tiresome sometimes when all I want to do is play, but he seems pleased when I park my backside on the cold ground when he says “sit” so I go along with it to keep him happy. 

Off to nose round the garden now…..more next month.