NOVEMBER 2015

I am keeping an eye out for those dog nappers that sneaked through the village recently.  Did you see the rotters late that night?  They pinched two of my friends and made off with them in suspicious looking vans.  The doggie door locks were found on the ground and their rooms were bare – honestly, you are not safe in your own bed any longer.  I had a good smell round but couldn’t pick up their scent.  The Mrs put the word out over the ether after seeing a message from my canine friend’s distraught owners.  We figured if we made the little doggies too hot to handle they might well be set free and thankfully as it turned out, they were later found abandoned in Vyne Wood and kindly returned to their owners.  I have yet to get together with them for a good chin and tailwag to get the low down on their unfortunate adventure.  The Boss gave me a good talking to about stranger-danger which I will pass on to the miniatures if they ever get round to sitting still long enough for me to talk to them.  Every time I get near enough to have a tickle, scratch and chat they run round in circles, screaming, holding their noses and calling me Pongo!  I don’t think they appreciate my delicate canine perfume – nor does the Mrs as I have had several hose downs in the garden this summer while that small furry spitty thing sits nearby smirking and cleaning herself for the millionth time.  Never have I seen an animal spend so much time prinking and preening.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so she obviously feels the need to continuously improve her looks as every time she walks past the mirror she nearly jumps out of her skin, whereas I am confident I pass muster and get by with a lick and a promise, except when the Mrs has that hose pipe pointed at me.

OCTOBER 2015

I don’t need to look through these large eye additions as I can see better without them.  The Mrs spent a long time gazing through them and then missed what the Boss, with his portable pair and me with my canine acuity, saw in the distance.  After much pointing and descriptions of where to look she eventually spotted…..a bird, not the type I can retrieve, but the sort the Boss likes to watch and read about in his bird book.  Personally I can’t see the attraction as they all fly away whenever you get close enough to have a proper look.  On occasion I have had to sit motionless in a field while the Boss stares through his eye extensions at a twittering feathered non retrievable flutterer and confirms his find in his book while I lay sighing with boredom without even a bone to chew in case I frighten them away. 

Luckily some birds don’t have the same rarity and appeal and the Boss and I have been out quite a few times in the past month depleting the pigeon population which threaten to devour everything in the garden and in the world, as I see them everywhere we go.

I was sitting in the glass house with the boss the other day contemplating the garden, enjoying the last of the sunshine and watching the cheepers and the tweeters outside when a pigeon of incredibly low intelligence flew to the bird table in front of us and proceeded to pinch the food left out for the Boss’s favourite garden birds.  Big mistake, and yes you guessed, it was instant curtains for that unfortunate pigeon, a reprieve for the little critters and the garden vegetables and a very short retrieve for me.