August 2012

Bert’s Blog:  I didn’t mention before because I was not sure what it ‘entailed’ (dog joke) but I have used my passport!  This involved a holiday, travelling in the large box with circular legs interspersed with exciting interludes investigating many new and strange places where people spoke to me in another unintelligible language, called me a ‘chien’ and gave me lots of pats and strokes. 

Talking of strokes, I have learnt my own version. When my fur coat became rather too much in the heat, we swam in a large puddle called a lake amongst many other people doing their own stroke.  Mine is called Doggy Paddle and, as well as learning not to drink all the water in the lake, apparently I should avoid other swimmers who may not appreciate my method of drying off without a towel.  It was good to get wet without soap for once.

Each night we would walk in a different ‘Département’.  In one, a small white curly dog with a ridiculous haircut (I think it was called a poodoo) made eyes at me but I was hastily removed from the scene before I could find out what scent she was wearing.

My lessons at ‘sit’ and ‘stay’ are coming along nicely; at times with ‘fetch’ I am a little too eager and have, as the Boss likes to say, ‘jumped the gun’ and lost sight of my quarry, however the Boss found his when we visited several buildings called ‘wineries’ which I thought would be full of miserable dogs complaining vocally, but found only silence mingled with a fruity perfume.  These visits always ended happily with the Boss carrying away a box of bottles full of a liquid I do not get to taste, but he does.  If he had a tail he would be wagging it.

July 2012

Bert’s Blog:  Ah, I’ve learn something about the large white container – it‘s called a bath.  Confusing as we spent a few days at a place called Bath and there was not a bit of soap in sight.  This Bath brought many new experiences including ‘camping’ which entailed the Boss & Mrs sleeping in their own box and me sleeping in my own pop-up kennel next door which attracted many admiring glances, sadly not from other dogs.  On leaving I watched with interest for my pop-up to pop-down but alas it proved impossible and is still popped-up we speak.  I think they need lessons.

Bath turned out to be a place crammed with buildings, thick with people and lots of weird smells. Boss explained this was a Town and no sniffing or misbehaving allowed.  To get there I experienced riding in a very tall box with circular legs, stairs, tickets and many directionally confused occupants who kept getting on and off – they had obviously lost the scent.

While padding round Bath I waited outside a very large building called The Abbey (see photo) while viewing went on inside.  I am learning the new word ‘stay’ which confusingly sounds like ‘play’ but means the opposite and involves me sitting still in one place while the Boss walks away, then I get up and follow him.  I am not sure this is correct as we have to repeat it so many times that I get bored, lay down and just ignore him, at which point he praises me.  Will I ever understand Boss talk?

Back at home I have been introduced to another small version of the Boss.  I envy this one as he is allowed to sleep peacefully in his bed, experience much petting and gets fed when he makes a loud noise ….. I wish.

June 2012

Bert’s Blog:  I’ve had another visit to the room with the large white container and the soap again.  This seems to happen when I have been experimenting in the garden with different textures and substances or when we have visitors.  Little do they know the misery I have had to go through or the shame of smelling like a woofter (canine term for dogs who don’t smell like dogs).

Another experience this month has been going on a holiday where I saw the biggest pond ever which looked as if it was always racing in to catch me but never actually did.  I had long walks on soft powdery stuff which allowed me to examine my own footprints and was very easy to dig.  The Boss is developing a strange habit; I can’t work out why he keeps throwing things away when he always wants me to get them back.  I have learnt the word ‘fetch’ since this habit started and I have to tell you I am becoming quite proficient at it.

Occasionally I wear a rope necklace which I am quite capable of carrying myself but this is frowned upon as the boss wants to carry the other end.  If I walk too far ahead it gets quite tight and I have to slow down and walk to heel, which I keep getting muddled with meal and start looking for food, all very confusing.

If I am taken short on a walk and do the unmentionable the Boss has an endless supply of plastic bags for his collection.  I could understand if he saved bones or sticks but find it strange that he collects my deposits.  However I have seen other Bosses do this; it must be a favoured pastime so I can stop worrying about my Boss developing any more strange habits.

May 2012

Bert’s Blog:  Since last time I have experienced occasions when I have been spoken to rather sharply.  I found one of the Boss’s slippers on the floor, usually on a high shelf, and decided he obviously didn’t need it anymore.  It made a great plaything, and using my initiative I decided to see what it was made of.  This was not seen in a favourable light and not only did I get a ticking off but so did the Boss for leaving it on the floor.  I took great heart from this, thinking we had more in common than I thought despite him only having two legs.  

My world is expanding - I go for rides with the Boss in his box with circular legs which has a multitude of strange smells.  When I go to new places I love sniffing around but the Boss likes me near him so I am learning a new word about feet which is repeated many times and sounds like ‘meal’ but sadly doesn’t have the same consequences.

I am told I am becoming international and now have a passport.  I must have missed something as all I remember of the occasion was that man again in the white coat and the clean house sticking a sharp thing into my leg and the boss fussing around with his wallet and looking a bit down.  

Meanwhile, more pleasurably, I am being introduced to miniature versions of the Boss and the Mrs, they seem really friendly but I can’t understand a word they say and they aren’t as proficient on two legs as the Boss is.  Sadly they seem more interested in the long tailed small ball of fur which moves very slowly, except when I appear on the scene and it acts like greased lightning.  I will persevere…

April 2012

Bert’s Blog:  Hi, my name is Bert and I am a dog.  I think I am officially chocolate as I have overheard the Mrs answering questions about me with that word, she says it a lot and I think there is an addiction thing going on there but don’t quote me.

I arrived here in November last year, slept right through Christmas, drank puppy milk, puppy biscuits and water, although I have given up the milk now as it is a bit childish to be seen drinking it at five months - I stick to water which I love, except in the large white container in the room with soap.

There is another dog who speaks the same language as me in the adult Kennel but I am not allowed too much contact because she gets fed up with me hanging off her lips and ears, which I call play but she doesn’t.  She looks a dead spit for my mum but her name’s not the same.   There is also a small ball of fur with a long tail living here but I have not yet been able to get close enough for a thorough Inspection.

I’ve been told I have been chipped, but I didn’t feel a thing and it had nothing to do with potatoes.  A man in a white coat seemed very interested in me but his house smelt too clean so we didn’t stay long.

The Boss has spent a fair bit of time repeating words to me, which gets a bit tiresome sometimes when all I want to do is play, but he seems pleased when I park my backside on the cold ground when he says “sit” so I go along with it to keep him happy. 

Off to nose round the garden now…..more next month.