DECEMBER 2019

Wishing you all the best possible bone gnawing, lip smacking, tongue licking, cream lapping times this Christmas and remember if you are burying anything in the garden remember to avoid any bulbs the Mrs has planted as they tend to give the game away if left lying on the top of the soil - she always manages to know where I have buried my bone.  Also ensure complete disposal of anything removed surreptitiously from the Christmas tree and eaten in secrecy behind the sofa (only applies if the Mrs has not already eaten all the chocolate dangles on the tree) wrappings can been eaten but this is not advisable as they can be detected in certain movements at a later date so ensure they are either dropped near the Mrs chair or hidden well under the sofa and not visible at long range!

Try not to look too downhearted when you only get turkey leftovers and not the leg or the wing and on no account display or mention any adversity to large men with white beards and red garb or the miniatures will never speak to you again!  If any venison appear in the garden - leave them be as they may not have finished their rounds.........

NOVEMBER

Winter is upon us and my fur coat comes in very handy on the cold nights and frosty mornings.  The Mrs complains that most of my fur seems to be distributed haphazardly around the house but I assure her that the majority is on my back and I just need an all over two hour brush every day to keep it sleek and luxurious.  She seems to think this is a joke but I will say anything to get some extra petting and attention.   Alas out comes the hoover again and I am tortured with the noise and suction as it removes my excess hair not only from my back but from any surrounding areas that the Mrs insists it has crept into. 

Winter brings not only cold weather but the season for shooting and filling the freezer with game and venison to sustain not only the Boss for the rest of the year but me as well.  The Boss has had many requests to reduce the pigeon population in the village as apparently these cheeky and prolific birds are causing untold damage to gardens, plants and crops and leaving unsightly white deposits wherever they perch.  This photo is me doing what my breed does – retrieving – in this case one of the despatched pigeons that have been terrorising the neighbourhood.  I am bringing it back to the Boss and adding it to the  number he will be taking to the game dealers minus the few he keeps for himself so he can have pigeon breasts braised in red wine for dinner – a little number he is quite fond of and so am I.  He now needs to instruct the Mrs to forget my stray hair, stop the hoovering and get cooking – the certain way to man’s heart is through his stomach swiftly followed, in my case, by oodles of strokes and a long loving petting – can’t speak for the Boss!