JUNE

Well we made it across the Chanel without having to wear the muggle, I mean the muzzle!  

I have been practicing my swimming since but definitely not when the Boss is fishing.  Here you can see I have been in for a wee dip but the Boss has now brought out his sticks and boxes of worms and maggots which he reliably informs me are not for eating – except for the fish.  I keep a close eye on him in case some bread appears from his box of tricks or better still some dog biscuits although we have a running argument regarding whether this is fish food or dog food.  He insists that if it is at the lake it is fish food.  He also has an elastic launcher which he fills with ‘fish’ food and propels it across the water.  I saw him do this and thought it was a new game to test my retrieving abilities and launched myself into the water to catch the arc of food floating on top.  After doggy paddling around for ten minutes with my mouth open like a hoover I was persuaded to come out and sit on the bank whereby he explained that I should not chase the biscuits when they were in the water as they had now become ‘fish food’.  I have heard of magic but that was ridiculous and along the lines of when the Mrs arrives from upstairs to go out with the Boss dressed in yet another new outfit only to tell the Boss she has had it for ages and found it in the back of the wardrobe.  He didn’t believe her and I don’t believe him.  Dog biscuits are dog biscuits, my nose does not deceive me and fish should stick to worms and maggots!  It’s a dog’s life but someone has to live it.

MARCH

I finally got my way - walkies in a big way.  Over here in France I get walkies every day with the Mrs and on this occasion we went on a long ramble together with the Boss as well.  It was difficult to decide who I was going to obey since they both accompanied me and both like to tell me what to do…….

In the end I decided to be very diplomatic and used my right ear for listening to the Boss and my left ear for listening to the Mrs.  That did cause a few problems as they don’t seem to agree on many things.  For example when we passed by a boggy area on my right that I had noticed held some exciting smells the Boss said ‘find him then’ and as I was on the point of heading into the depth of the marsh area I heard a faint calling in my left ear of ‘noooooo, not in the mud’.   Needless to say the scents were just too nice to pass up so I tuned in to my selective hearing mode and dived into the bog and had a jolly good sniff round.  As it has been raining  in this area of France for the last three months, there was a lot of damp area to investigate….  When I returned to see how things stood with my guardians they seem to be having a very deep and meaningful discussion on how the Boss could have trained me to have the same selective hearing mode that he himself appears to have developed.  The Mrs, with the aid of a very wagging pointy finger was extracting a promise from the Boss that due to his lax control he would be in charge of cleaning me up.  I knew his method of cleaning me up meant a swim in the lake so with alacrity I sided with the Mrs and her promise with a very wagging pointy tail.  Best of both worlds especially for a Labrador!

January 2018

BERTS BLOG:   I have added a new trick to my repertoire – pulling a cracker.  This training proved to be somewhat dangerous and I would advocate it not be tried at home without adequate supervision.  The preliminary instructions involved the Mrs explaining to me with some patience that I should hold one end of the cracker in my mouth gently, but firmly enough to withstand her pulling the other end.  This looked very much like a game I had played as a youngster.  After a few false starts I had the hang of holding on tightly but at the last minute I noticed the Boss was tucking into a turkey sandwich and the urge to investigate overcame my need to concentrate on holding tight.  I inadvertently let go of my end of the cracker resulting in the sudden upending of the Mrs who lay sprawled on the floor with a look of surprised annoyance on her face.  The Boss nearly choked himself trying to disguise his laughter and earned a slap on the back to dislodge the turkey and a sharp rebuke from the Mrs about eating in front of me, especially during lesson time.  During this opportune diversion I quickly investigated the whereabouts of the dislodged turkey, safely removing it quickly and cleanly from the floor before anybody noticed.

The Mrs said she wanted to continue with my training session as she almost had the cracker pulling licked, strange I thought, she had it in her hand, not her mouth – I was the one who had it licked!  We proceeded with another try, this time with it firmly anchored between my teeth.  Astonishingly, exactly the same thing happened again but this time there was a loud crack, paper exploded everywhere jettisoning the Mrs across the floor along with a pack of small screw drivers.  Much to my amazement, thinking I was for it this time, I was completely surprised to find that despite this second inelegant sprawl and the resultant mess, the Mrs seemed exultant and covered me with pats and praise and exchanged the screwdrivers for the remainder of the Boss’ turkey sandwich!  Result!

DECEMBER 2016

Good Grief, is that an old guy with a white beard dressed in red pyjamas trying to wiggle down the chimney?  Only kidding!  It’s the Boss lighting the fire dressed in his Christmas jumper closely followed by the Mrs bearing armfuls of brightly wrapped gifts.  Woopee, I hope there are some for me.  Actually it was the Miniatures who gave generously at Christmas – two bags of doggy goodies, the down side was that I had to wear this ridiculous hat and stay still and not react when the crackers were pulled with a sharp snap, which could have meant I had to retrieve something but no, the only bird at this celebration was a bit of a turkey and had already had his goose cooked if you know what I mean.  

Another down side meant I had to be bathed in able to attend in the first place, but I am learning from experience as the good thing about the bathing is the attention I get afterwards when I have the best grooming ever:  rough towel dry then the blow dry with the hairdryer accompanied by a good brush and a smoothing comb at the end, claws cleaned and teeth brushed. I declined the short back and sides on the grounds that it is surplus to my requirements and I also said no to the shave and ear trim as I quite like my muzzle as it is and my ears are one of my best features.  There was some mention of requirements for the weekend but I had hightailed it out of the bathroom by then and was racing around the garden showing off my heavenly scented body to whoever wanted to pat it, which I am happy to say, many people did.

OCTOBER 2016

This is my ball and you are not having it! So there!  OK, OK, you can have it, as long as you throw it for me.  I love jumping over the flower borders and bringing it back to you.  It is a bit tatty now and I am not sure you could score a goal with it but I do love ball games and so do the Miniatures.  I never tire of returning it to their little feet so that they can give it a kick for me to fetch.  There is a slight downturn to the activities pertaining to my mention of jumping over the flower borders.  Although I can easily clear them with my gigantic leap it appears the kicking and throwing abilities of the Miniatures and indeed occasionally their parents fall far behind in the desired lift and direction.  The Mrs becomes very agitated when this game is played and the cry ‘not in the flower beds’ is often heard lilting over the air from the kitchen window….  Oops, there goes another pelargonium!! 

In between ball games there has been a lot of work on preparing for the imminent shooting and beating dates and I am benefitting from a clearing out of the freezers in readiness for this seasons booty.  I always take an interest in the game stock in the freezer and look forward to any bits and bobs tossed my way that are not required for the Boss. Actually the Mrs is a bit ambivalent about the game stock sometimes and longs for prepacked neat meat from the supermarket so my ears always prick up when I hear the phrase ‘not again’, then I know that whatever the Boss has suggested for dinner will end up on my plate.  It’s a dog’s life – food and ball games, but someone’s got to live it.

APRIL

I hope you missed me in February?  Sorry I couldn’t write in my blog but I was being transported via a very choppy overnight ferry crossing to my new playing place in France. It was so rough the Mrs said she had to sleep flat on her back to avoid being thrown out of the bunk and the Boss swore his body actually levitated several times but I slept straight through the trip, snug in my usual bed in the Boss’s pickup.  

Once at Maison Millie I ensured all the usual smells were still in place and we went to check the fish were still in the ‘etang’.  This photo shows me trying very hard to resist their retrieval by jumping in but I now know better and that the Boss has to reel them in himself! 

I spent my time in France making friends with dogs, electricians, builders, farmers and neighbours, some of whom were intelligible but gave good friendly pats and cuddles.  We also found some shooting buddies and watched the ‘shoot’ going on all around us, I found it very exciting and wanted to join in with the tangle of hounds but the Boss said no as I don’t speak the language….

Sadly, on our return the small furry spitty thing was not well and a week later saw the end of her sixteen year feline reign.  Apparently she is planted in the garden deep enough to ensure my bone burying will not disturb her.  I will miss my protagonist but not the nose batting she always gave me.  I was rather hoping I would take her place on the Mrs lap now, but that does not seem to be happening.  The Mrs explained it is a question of sizing but I am not sure if it is her size or mine she is worried about….  Nevertheless I will keep trying, as she says - I can be very trying!