Tuesday 26 March 2013

April 2013


Bert’s Blog: The Boss and the Mrs are going on holiday without me. I am not sure how they can stand to be parted from me.  This has resulted in me going to spend a few days with some friends and I have purloined the Boss’s favourite hat to take with me to remind me of him while he is away.   I am not sure he has missed it yet….

Since we last spoke I have had a few visits to the house of the men in white coats and clean smells.  The first was because of a near terminal case of the sneezes whereby I couldn’t stop and everyone found it hilariously funny until they got fed up with hearing me and starting taking it seriously.  This ended up with me being knocked out and spending time in la la land (a place where dogs always catch clawless cats, bones are plentiful and I share the bed with the Boss) only to be told there was nothing wrong with me except an ‘allergicat’ reaction!  Honestly the things these humans make up. 

The second visit to Mr Antiseptic was for a lump on my leg which involved another visit to la la land, an ugly shaved patch which I hope will re-grow before my girlfriend Jazz sees me, loads of stitches and having to wear a ridiculous inverted bucket on my head which took six attempts to destroy after the Boss kept mending it.  I ended up looking a bit like Frankenstein’s dog with metal repair bolts through the bucket on every side just to stop me eating my stitches, all I wanted to do was give it a good lick.

I have to behave while I am staying away, no digging, no howling and no messing about…..can’t wait till they return.

March 2013


Bert’s Blog:  All dressed up and nowhere to go.  This was me in February, after taking hours to get dressed only to be told I would not be accompanying the Mrs on her birthday, apparently no dogs allowed.  Mind you, once I looked in the mirror I got the shock of my life when I thought I had turned into a blonde!  Talk about dizzy - couldn’t wait to get it off.

Talking about dizzy, there is some progress to report with the small ball of fur which lives here who seems to be thawing out somewhat; accidental meetings no longer involve her impersonation of a Harrier Jump Jet but more the slow lumber of a Jumbo.  Sometimes she sits and watches and, should I be reprimanded, I often catch a glimpse of a small preen of the whiskers, however the fur ball was herself reprimanded recently for sitting on the bird table.  The Boss was not pleased to see her there and has now fenced it off with wire to allow only small birds to feed and not fat cats, pigeons, crows or magpies. 

I found the Mrs. a nice present in the garden which I had dug up the day before her birthday in readiness for the celebration, however when I gave it to her she seemed less than enthusiastic to hold on to it so I modified it slightly for her and went a bit too far as there does not seem to be anything of it left now.  I can’t understand why the Boss loves meat but not bones.  Now I have shed the blonde I think I will go and dig up another present, the best thing about being brown is that it does not show up the dirt.